Tuesday, July 17, 2007

To be single or to be married... THAT is the question





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Does your life change when you get married. Should people get married to avoid being alone?

Whenever I meet some girl with a boyfriend, I tend to always ask her if they will get married. Mainly because I'm a hopeless romantic but my friends think I’m obsessed. Most of my more normal friends laugh at me, but I think that the question is always valid. My friends don’t always think marriage is the answer to all happiness. And for some women... its not.

Yet, I feel you can tell a lot about a person (not necessarily their relationship, but definitely the person themselves) from the way that they answer the question. Almost no one ever says yes, why the hell not?, but it's very rare to find someone that says no, absolutely not, men are not for me.

Some people genuinely are not able to be alone. I'm not necessarily one of them but I couldn't/ wouldn't imagine my life without mahan. I mean I could. I would possibly be thinner, in new Zealand and focused on a very different future. not that i have any regrets. Its not that I always needed a boyfriend/husband to survive. I can open my own jars and fill my own gas. Maybe not pay all of my own bills..... ;). Nonetheless there is something to be said for solitude, for learning how to be without YET still having that inner confidence and ability to believe in oneself.
I always get sad for older single people... the thought of them eating alone... sleeping alone... being sick and no one at their bedside saddens me DEEPLY. but then again... what if THAT makes them happy? WHAT if other people annoy them?

For those who never get married, are they missing out? I think both ways here. On the one hand, there are unique opportunities to give and gain in marriage, an institution that challenges us to reach our potential in a way that being single and doing everything "our way" usually does not. I remember as a child being told in sunday class that marriage should form a triangle. you and your partner at the base and god at the top. I also feel that those set on living their lives "my way or the high way" till your 40 provides a rocky start to getting married.
You have to sacrifice and give and give and then get.
and if you don't make a conscience effort to model, change or improve than i really think the relationship suffers.

I have had friends who without a boyfriend, feel undressed and plain. undressed being a really important word. why is it that pretty Jane feels like plain Jane when she's single? Do we get it from our childhood/ mothers?

Why would a man be your best asset??

On the other hand, as someone who believes in God, I also believe that if someone very much wants to be married and does everything to try to make that happen and yet marriage is not forthcoming, it's possible that a person can achieve his or her unique life mission as a single person.

why down-grade your requirements just to be married?

why be so picky just to be single?

I'm trying to take both sides here. i would be the worst lawyer you ever hired.