a healing letter

Its been a very "long" 4 days.
So much has happened and i still wish you never left.
I hope you know that you were so loved and wanted far before you were conceived.
Maybe that's why its been so hard. I never felt alone anymore. I thought i always had you.
No sickness, cramping or pregnancy symptom was ever worth complaining because i had you.
You were the reason for the most happiest days of my life. I sang, I danced and i dreamed...
I dreamed of you from a child to an adult.

I would talk to you and you would always be a great reason for me to get Mahan/Daddy to get me something. The words "Me and baby would really like a ............. right about now.." was hugely successful.
I can't stop thinking of you and what could have been.I feel cheated. I know there is a reason for everything that happens but i can't help but not be selfish and wish it didn't have to happen. Ever since the d&c I know you wont be coming back and it was far beyond my control. I couldn't save you. You left us long before we found out. Knowing that doesn't make it easier to heal. I want you to know I'll never forget you, even though you never saw this material world... you'll always be part of me and you're beautiful soul will soar.
My Beautiful sweet child, I miss you soooo much!
I guess God just loved you more.

With a million hugs and kisses,

Your mummy,

Jimmy Fallon sings

I love jimmy. He brought a smile to my face. So did the ice cream mahan bought me.
today we had buffalo wings [ spicy ] and ice cream. It was a nice day. Youtube is great for passing time and overthinking.

no more baby

Pregnancy loss is experienced by 4 women every minute
Every 38 seconds a woman deals with a major complication

Today I went in for my 10th week check up and i found out I had a miscarriage.
I am sad but mostly i want to be out of lingo. You no longer have a valid pregnancy but you still have something inside you.I have had many friends go through the same thing. I guess you can't help but feel numb.

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth". ~author unknown


You spend so much time pondering and in excitement that it kinda makes me think...
did i jinx it? I know if i let myself think that way the list could be endless.
I'm told it was genetic. The baby just stopped growing at 7 and a 1/2 weeks.

I truly can't complain. I have a friend that had 3 miscarriages... she has a baby now..but 3.
How sad she must have felt.

"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"

I still believe there is a reason for everything under the heaven and with that... i can never argue.