the last supper

thats what it feels like...
the last month is a total poo in your pants, ache in your back... rock in your shoe... PAAAAAAIN IN YOUR BUTT. each day feels like a week and each week feels like a month.

Cant wait to meet my little love and i somehow feel her coming out.& keeping me up all night is easier than her in me .. keeping me up all night with her moving and all the pressure on my back, bladder and other places that are affected by her.

in summary. im ready.

i keep telling myself its not forever..

its not forever that i cant just look down and see my toes! Just like its not forever that i find myself folding and boxing away more of my skinny clothes to make room for pregnant clothes in my closet.


9 months does feel like forever. pregnancy is actually longer than 9 months but i wont get into that.
FACTS: I was 138 when i got married in 2005
After 2 years of marriage and a failed pregnancy i was up to 149 before the birth of baby alana.
I'm currently 168 at 35 weeks
I expect my total 19 pounds of pregnancy weight gain will be anywhere from 22-25 when i deliver.

You know... i can understand when one is told 'motherhood suits you'. obviously that would be a compliment to any mother but what the heck does 'pregnancy suits you' mean? how can being pregnant suit someone? does morning sickness, tiredness and reflux suit me?
after personally receiving the COMMENT NOT COMPLIMENT...
i was somewhat confused.

hello 2008

Its been such a long road... i feel soooooooo old. Only because i can't believe how time is passing by... the little kid that was in diapers isn't in diapers any longer and i cant help but think where has the time gone. I'm starting to think like my mother and this is a development that once would have scared me.

2008... a year i doubt I'll forget. As I look back i BARELY recognise the person i was.In some way, I feel very sorry for her... i had my stages.. but throughout i had this desperate need to please. I had this deep need to please my parents, to be someone i really wasn't.I think i had this void... and its hard to point out what it was that the last 3 years has filled. Maybe because of 'pleaser' mentatlity... very few knew me at all. My stupid attempted to rebel [ twice in my single days] always backfired.I can believe how stupid some decisions were.. its funny because i can still watch the same drama in other peoples lives...I don't know how i got from 'her' to 'me'. I think it had part to do with having someone loving you for your weaknesses which you always thought had to be portrayed differently.


I'm looking forward to popping out the baby without too much blood, sweat & tears [ literally ]. I'm looking forward to her growing up to be strong and happy.
Its hard to imagine my life happier than what it is now.... besides all my pregnancy symptom bitching. I'm very happy.2008 couldn't be any better :)

I couldn't be more in love with my husband, more happy to be a mother and more lucky to have you in my life :)