nearly 2 but it feels like she is 20

There are so many moments when I melt to mush by the little things Alana does.


When she tilts her head on mine..

Gives me kisses

Asks for hugs.

I love just laying on the couch and watching yabba gabba.

is it just a mom think to look at your kids baby photos while they are sleeping?

Every stage in a childs development is pretty special but lately with her being so interactive and vocal.. I feel like she is no longer a baby. i could just be saying that because i put a bag full of clothes away in storage that no longer fit her. please note i do this every 3 months. she is growing so fast.... i now have this  little person who tells me exactly what she wants to eat in the morning, where she wants to go and what she wants to wear [ 99% its ;jeeeeeeans'  and a select few jackets]


She has just started saying 3 or 4 word sentences. Not grammatically correct but I get the drift
“Shab shood hameeh lala” Night time everyone sleeping

“Beroon sard shood kohla.” Outside is cold hat. Referring to the hat she should wear outside

she is very so sweet and funny. when im running slow and she has ran past me and waits for me to lock out front door... you hear a screaming 19 month old say "mommmy chop chop"

Last week Alana was sitting in the living room and I left to go shower and when I returned she said excitedly “ momon peydayshood” = moms been found. As if I got lost or something.

Expected arrival time.Landed.Processing.Here.

As I was waiting for Mahan at the airport. I had a mix of feelings and emotions. I was so excited, anxiously wondering what Alana’s reactions would be when she saw mahan, if customs took all the Persian sweets I asked Mahan to buy in la/tehranglas, if mahan picked the chicken dinner meal or the fish on the plane and if Mahan was blessed to sleep on his 13 hour flight considering he was flying without Alana [ unlike I! ) and had a whole seat to himself!

It was busy,i guess you would expect an international airport to be.
i got annoyed at my dad... he asked me if he should buy mahan flowers? seriously who buys a guy flowers... unless your .... obviously then you would... but not when your mahan. nonetheless he still did.so he spent 10 bucks on a single rose. single. rose. even more gay... so i asked him to return it. that single rose purchased 2 minutes earlier is now non refundable but it was happily exhanged for something or equal value. funny that.. they didnt sell anything less than 10 bucks. ended up adding 6 extra bucks to buy a little kiwi bird toy have the size of my hand.

ok enough complaining..... so back to waiting at the airport...

There were wives waiting to be reunited with husbands, sons with mothers, mothers with daughters... some other people with some other people which i couldnt exactly put the connection together but it got me thinking...arrival areas are a happy place. not a rocket science observation i know.... Unlike the departures. Arrivals are exciting, your obviously arriving somewhere new… you have clean clothes in your bags, gifts, large hopes of exploring, learning and taking photos you can later share on facebook/flikr… and best of all….days of vacation time to utilize. Departures on the other hand are depressing, goodbyes, you’re leaving with laundry you have to do when you get home, money you shouldn’t have spent on silly souvenirs and that daunting reminder that you have work to return to.

Besides a cemetery where a loved one is buried or a hospital where your child is born or someone you know or love passes away ...there aren’t many places that you can have deep emotional memories like an airport.


I will never forget the deep pain I felt when I was leaving my mother. I was traveling alone. Mahan had left 3 weeks earlier after we got married in New Zealand and I was flying solo. It started off as such a horrible day in the departure lounge…..
it wasn’t necessarily that I personally couldn’t bear to be parted [ a huge part of me was happy that Mahan and I would be united but it wasn’t about me ] It was the fact that my mother was not ready to see me go and go so far…. After saying goodbye at that last stop, there is a place where they can go and watch you walk to your terminal only for a few minutes. It was a gut wrenching pain because I couldn’t hear or see her crying but in the strangest way I could feel her crying which was so strong I could feel like I was choking with tears.

I worry that my parents have fallen madly and deeply in love with Alana and that I will once again be bringing them pain. Hopefully they will come to the states in 2010.

Oh so back to Mahan.
He arrived safe and sound! He slept, even had a spare seat next to him, my sweets arrived unharmed and Alana was happy and surprised her daddy was in New Zealand :)
Her facial expression read “hey, what are you doing here?” followed with a smile.

I thrilled Mahan’s here and I can’t wait for his 2 week New Zealand adventure to begin.

Tomorrow we head to Wellington for 2 days with my brother 

Let me introduce myself.

because you may not know me as well as you think..

I think I may have ADHD, I can not sit still, I randomly lose my train of thought and im easily distracted.

I will skip meals but i dont skip chocolate or sweets.

I can not tolerate the stubborn, those who only assume their thoughts are superior, better, wiser, smarter than anyone else’s, I do not like racial preference. I do not think a bahai is better than a Jew, Indians are more trust worthy than a Pakistani or that Mexicans are more hospitable that Asians. I have no political favoring; I do not believe one political team benefits by my unwavering devotion than the other. I have no favorite music type, singer or team sport. I have no attachment to a country, city or place. i can like and admire anything.

I am insanely domesticated. I love to cook and bake. easily say its a passion. i dont see cooking as a chore , i see it as therapy. cleaning the cooking mess on the other hand is not so fun.

i love the smell of onions when they hit the pan, the smell of cilantro and dill when you take that first chop, the smell of cookies when they are baking and the feeling i get when i see how much my husband and daughter are enjoying it. i dont need compliments nor do i seek them. one of the things i admire the most about my mom [ who not only i but even mahan thinks is the most amazing cook )is that she never ever asked if her food was good or raved on about it and when you would compliment she would always be humble. maybe my mother doesnt seek compliments because she cant absorb them, i fear i am the same.

I like to make mistakes I can learn from, research my own way and live a life that was only ever meant to be mine. I am easily irritated by orders. Especially those pertain to me and my family. I admire those who suggest but oppose those who insist one thing or only one way over another.

I do not care what Mary does, what Harry eats and where john sleeps at night. I feel no need to compare or compete. I love to shower those I love with all that I have.I will not return cheap with cheap.
I take pleasure in being in no company but my own and yet I also love the labor of having the company of many.

I dislike being late. and when i am... i feel bad.

I will not judge you for actions or if you made a mistake.
I will remind you of yours if you so easily decide to maximize mine.
I do not believe anyone is perfect.
I do not like talking on the phones unless I actually have something to share.I rather see you face-to-face.
I am goofy. forgetful with actions but far from forgetful with words.


I am confident and in some ways im severly weak.I am undeniably independent, I would rather do something myself than have it done for me. I dont like to burden others. I can be quiet; I don’t care to talk about small daily occurrences with anyone besides my husband.That itself is not in character for me and i only do it because it is so his character to ask. I can not think when im surrounded by mess and clutter.

I form addictions easily.

There is something to be said about people that know you the best. Its uncomplicated and simple acceptance of the little things. They seek no false brushing of ego and nothing is about them rather you. It is in this place I feel independent, removed from critics and unwanted opinions. a place that no matter if we having spoken or seen each other in months, the flow of love is unfazed .

I am who I am. Not right or perfect. Not above or below. I have no intention to change or be changed. just accepted.